Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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