alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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