What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
