someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
