Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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