That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
where are my eyebrows?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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