I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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