I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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