i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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