OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just pynch a tree in the face
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
