i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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