i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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