Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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