Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
