Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
