I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
