I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
