Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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