I think I died a long time ago.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
