I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
