why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
