i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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