I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
