The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
