Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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