I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
