Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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