so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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