I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
