I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
