Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
