I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
