she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
