I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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