The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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