girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
