Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
