This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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