Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
