I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
