dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
