dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I smell stomach acid.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
