You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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