there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
