I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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