She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
