Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
