My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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