dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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