My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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