I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
