I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
