none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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