Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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