im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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