Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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