I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
