My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
