she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize