So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize