Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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