you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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