He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he just fucked me for my cheese.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
