grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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