Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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