i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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