i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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