I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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