This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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