3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just pynch a tree in the face
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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