Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
