New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize