talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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