I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
